One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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