Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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