I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
