Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
