I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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