I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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