Plan B is the new Plan A
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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