I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
