my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
