I think i sorta joined a cult last night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize