woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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