nut hugger
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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