did you get engaged???
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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