CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
