im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We're too hungover to prance.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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