You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
