Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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