come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
