I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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