bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
