I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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