If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
