okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
