i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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