did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
