I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
