put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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