He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
