True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
