I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
