that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
