thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
