what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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