she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
