The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
