I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
