Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
