why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
