My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize