woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
