Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
