so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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