Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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