so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
