Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
