you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
