You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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