Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
