no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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