he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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