you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
