I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
