Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
