Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
