My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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