Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
