Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
