I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to calm my uterus...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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