What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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