I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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