I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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