i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
