Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
