last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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