mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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