So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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