i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
