the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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