Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
