My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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