Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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