Hey man sorry I got all grabby
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
