I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
