I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
