i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
