Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dick very happy bro
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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