I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize