Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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