Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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