and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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