it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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