I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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