haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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